Related Links

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

TUHAN - HIJRAHkanlah diri ini.

Peperiksaan akhir Program Diploma UiTM sudah berakhir. Syukur, kali ini aku sekali lagi BERJAYA menangani ujian ku yang satu ini dgn baik. Tamat marking paper pada waktunya dan upload result juga pada waktunya tanpa ada sebarang desakan dari pihak atasan. Alhamdulillah, all these strength comes from the God. Maha suci Allah. La Haw Lawala Qu wata Illa Billah...

While watching to Gema Gegar Vaganza at Astro Oasis, where Aris Ariwatan is now singing a song entitled PERMAIDANI, and looking to him crying in tears, making me burst in tears also this morning. Looking back into how I'd spend my 3 weeks on my final exam papers this semester, makes me cry in sorrow.

During my marking for my final exam papers this semester, Tajul Iman is coloring my days again with scratching his body. Now on his both arms. Started from the itchy feelings on his skin, he began to scratch his skin harshly until blood came out. As usual, he's always happy to see me crying! I just can't stand the blood and stains everywhere in the house, on his clothes, on my sofas, on my bed and on the walls. Together with the sound he had always been shouting and yelling, "AIR AIR AIR" from the lowest to the highest tone each 3 to 5 minutes intermittently. That's how I spend my past three weeks with my exam papers on the table.

Sometimes I feel like vomiting and I even used to shout also, together with him, to release my stress. I used to make myself free from all those papers each time when I lost my patience. I put aside those papers for a while and I slowly took him to my chest, hugging him again and again, telling him and convincing him how much I love him. Thanks God, there was no single SPANK during the final weeks this year. Last year I did, even a few times. I regret and I cried, as usual.

I got no choice unless to bring all the exam papers back home and continue my marking at home. I just couldn't finish it it my office either when I'd to go back a few times to monitor my two Autism boys at home. I just couldn't focus with my work now. My normal kids are still young. They have to give their full attention to Tajul Iman and they have to catch with their studies at the same time as well. They just couldn't make it when Cik Mah, my daily maid didn't turn up for work.  Nowadays, this old woman used to cancel her visit to my place, (sometimes half an hour before I got to enter the class). This is due to her high blood pressure problem. I just can't say NO when she called me. Kakak the eldest one is sitting for her SPM examination this year. Azim is sitting for his UPSR! They have extra classes to attend this year. Who is going to take care of Tajul Iman? Irfan is doing OK even without me at home but Tajul Iman is still can't be controlled. Especially on his repetitive behavior!

May both of  my normal ones turn to be the greatest patience and independence "assets" in their later life. They have all these TRAINING  at their early age. To be patient, caring and loving. The most important think if to be ACCOUNTABLE for what the GOD had send to us. It's an AMANAH. I made them well understand!

To my friends out there, please look into this lyrics. It touches so deep into my HEART! Please listen to Aris's beautiful voice at you tube  PERMAIDANI by Aris Ariwatan

PERMAIDANI -Aris Ariwatan

Rimbun dan redup kasih-Mu

Kau tempat ku berpayung
Di manakah lagi dapat ku rebahkan
Rasa gundah ini

Nun Kau teguh di sana
Pengasih dan Penyayang
Pun ku masih terleka
Meneguk ihsan-Mu
Walau ku sedari

Oh... nyamannya
Bila diperlukan rindu-Mu
Mengimbaulah sentosa

Bentangkan ku permaidani
Dari baldu berwarna putih
Moga tak ku terasakan
Cubaan yang ku galas ini
Kepada Mu titianku
Hijrahkanlah diri ini

No comments:

Post a Comment